I Got Sober and Everything Got Better . Except My Relationship

Health problems – Long-term drug and alcohol abuse can cause serious and lasting health problems that continue long after drug rehab is over. Spouses will need to be prepared to deal with these issues and be consistent about going to the doctor and sticking to recommended treatment programs. When one partner is an active addict, a healthy marriage or relationship is virtually impossible. Addiction shatters some of the most important components of a strong marriage, including trust, Sober Home intimacy, and communication. Living with an alcoholic or drug addict also means the addiction will come first for your spouse, even before the marriage. You’ll work together to create a blueprint for recovery. A blueprint lists the steps your partner needs to take to stay healthy and free from drugs or alcohol. You’ll find ways to support, encourage and help your partner stay clean and sober. Therapy can make a big impact on repairing your marriage after addiction treatment.

When a man stops cheating, it doesn’t erase the pain of the past indiscretions. I put a burden on sobriety’s shoulders that it couldn’t possibly carry. After decades of drinking, I stopped, and I expected all the pain to—poof—just go away. Every time you read, share, comment or heart you help an article improve its Rating—which helps Readers see important issues & writers win $$$ from Elephant. We have someone standing by 24/7 to talk to about your spouse’s recovery. We accept insurance and can arrange for transportation to and from treatment. Couples who have one person who heavily uses alcohol and another who does not are more likely to divorce than couples who both heavily use alcohol. But recovery means you have to take responsibility for your life.


Many people wonder when to leave an addicted spouse. Each person has to decide for themselves what the boundaries are in the relationship. Perhaps there were other sober periods that didn’t last, so the belief is, “Why should this time be different? ” The spouse may continue to “walk on eggshells,” as he or she did living with addiction, afraid of precipitating an argument or a slip. Trust has been broken many times, and it will have to be rebuilt – a process that can’t be rushed.

They can go through rough patches when they deal with psychological turmoil and problems that fueled their addiction. The rough, as well as the smooth, are all normal parts of recovery. Sobriety means you’re as equipped marriage after sobriety as you can be to manage any outcome that comes your way. I don’t know of a single relationship problem that was solved by drinking. Sometimes people discover who they really are in recovery and grow apart.

I hear his voice on the phone and know my husband is drinking again

I soon realized that the studio allowed me to practice setting boundaries with Bill and provided me a safe place when our home became stormy. There, my focus shifted from him to us, to me. Without the studio, I wonder whether our marriage would have survived the turbulence of early recovery.
marriage after sobriety
Our staff are highly trained with dual mental health and substance use licensing. Our medical staff includes an ASAM certified addiction psychiatrist & an addiction-trained primary care physician. We cater to midlife in order to focus treatment on the unique needs of an established adult who is struggling with addiction. Speak openly about how addiction hurt you and how you think you both can take action to mend it. Yet, sobriety destabilizes the status quo, and the longer partners are together, the more their patterns become entrenched. After a rough bout of undiagnosed postpartum depression, marriage after sobriety my addiction took off, and I went from binge-drinking once a month to daily drinking to escape the depression and anxiety. I’d begun moving toward isolation, alienating my friends and family, and my son’s father was the last one to go. When my first child was born in 2007, it took everything I had to not run from caring for him. I am the daughter of one person with alcohol addiction and another with a substance addiction. And, before I got pregnant, I hadn’t been with my son’s father, who is now my husband (we’ll get to that later) long enough to know if I wanted something long-term.

In fact it can’t be done without triggering a family war. Addiction is a disease, we have addiction medicine that saves lives. If you want more, grab a subscription for unlimited reads for $48/year. And clearly you appreciate mindfulness with a sense of humor and integrity! Why not join the Elephant community, become an Elephriend.

For one week I felt confident and safe and assured. For one week I saw the promise and potential of an alcohol-free future. Until she learns what is wrong with her attitude and how to change herself so he will be forced to face his responsibilities, the situation isn’t likely to improve. Needs to review the security of your connection before proceeding. Individualized, evidence based treatment, to fit your needs. You can also write letters to one another as you learn to communicate openly, honestly, and lovingly again.

Addiction recovery takes time and long-term rehab and treatment are a part of the journey. Try to be patient as both you and your spouse adjust to a new lifestyle. Just as it was important to do this while your spouse was in rehab, it’s still just as important to take care of yourself now. At the same time, don’t give up hope—if both of you are truly committed to saving your marriage, building a new and healthy relationship is possible. After the addict has recovered, however, repairing the relationship is possible.
marriage after sobriety
Sarah Allen Benton, M.S., LMHC., LPC, is a licensed mental health counselor and author of Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic. Negative parenting styles can cause harm to your child’s well-being and mental health. After 9 years of multiple facilities we found JourneyPure. One year later my son is clean and doing well. However, having a conversation with your partner about complex subjects may feel daunting. With this in mind, writing things down, perhaps in the form of a letter, will help you.

Letting go is hard, but staying stuck here is far more painful.

With all the changes that come to relationships with sobriety, there can be feelings of guilt, anger, sadness, shame, and more. When asking whether marriage can survive sobriety, the answer can be yes—if a couple takes a healthy approach to managing their problems and discussing their feelings. It will take time to rebuild trust so it’s important to not put pressure on each other and instead take it one day at a time. In some ways, re-establishing a marriage in the wake of addiction is like dating and getting to know someone new, so it can be helpful to connect on specific date nights. It is vital for couples to have outside support during this time. Couples counseling can create a safe space to air out feelings and emotions and set concrete relationship goals to move forward. Each spouse should also be attending 12-step support groups. The clear lines of communication spouses established during those early years of sobriety have borne fruit. When conflict comes up, both partners are able to express themselves clearly and concisely and come to a resolution.

  • The negative impact their addiction has had on your relationship can leave you wondering if what the two of you have is salvageable, even after they receive treatment.
  • We’ve backed up enough to be moving forward again.
  • I got sober and pregnant at roughly the same time.
  • During your or your spouse’s recovery process, there may be an opportunity to attend family or marriage counseling.

Dejar un comentario

Tu dirección de correo electrónico no será publicada. Los campos obligatorios están marcados con *

Abrir chat
💬 ¿Necesitas ayuda?
Hola 👋
¿En qué podemos ayudarte?